His Answers

The quiet that comes after the chaos is some of the most insightful times. If I take the time to slow down and truly see, I am usually blessed with a deeper level of understanding that I normally would not recognize.

God is a master at how He orchestrates our lives, especially when we include Him. What I am learning time and time again is that the answers He gives to my prayers are not how I have them planned out in my mind. And I am so thankful for that.

His answers are only found and seen when we are searching and open. Sometimes they seem more like a ‘curse’ than a gift. But all of the time, they are right.

I have been praying for something. It has been in my heart prayers for a very long time. Even if I don’t utter it out loud, my heart has been speaking this desire. I have had so many ideas of how this prayer could be answered, but each time it never worked out.

So, I have kept praying.

Some days I have felt discouraged because I have wanted my way to work out. I want to be that smart and when it is quite obvious that I haven’t seen the entire picture, it is hard.

Other days I am soooo grateful that my way didn’t work because better things have fallen into place. Things I NEVER would have thought about, pieces I NEVER would have put together.

You see, answers to prayers are never just ONE thing. Answers ripple through different lives and directions in life. Each time it seems like it is a, “no” or a, “just wait” there is something else I need to learn in the process to prepare me for the next step.

I am learning that these things that are deep in our hearts, the things that we want most are put there for a reason. If I didn’t want it so badly, I wouldn’t allow God to answer through opportunities for growth and refinement. This desire has shaped my prayers, defined my faith, and allowed me to search different paths of growth.

God is truly in the details of our lives. He wants to be part of all that we do, who we want to become and the journey it takes to get there. All we need to do is trust Him.

The Process

Wow.

The past few months, but especially the last few weeks, have been insane. It is one pivot after another. If we were on a map program, it would constantly say, “recalculating”.

We back a few months ago, we felt like we needed to put our little house up for sale and move. Crazy as it is because we just celebrated our first year in this home. Yet, we could not deny the feeling and subsequent pieces of evidence that have come that tell us that we need to move on….again.

Fortunately, our lives have been such that big changes are something we have experienced. There are times when I have craved the opportunity to put roots down for longer than a few years. Then there are other times when I am ready to make a change and move on. I truly believe that these feelings are a blessing, because they keep my mind and heart open to what is around the corner.

As we have been projecting, getting the house ready to sell, we have also been looking for a house. Trying to find the next place that God needs us to be. This has proven to be a challenge that has shaped us in ways we didn’t expect.

We have put offers on three different houses. Each one we thought for sure was THE ONE. And then, it wasn’t. Leaving us confused, sad, and relieved. It is interesting to know that we were supposed to put offers on each one because there was something we needed to learn from them.

It has been a purifying process to live through. Sometimes I would wonder why God would give us this strong feeling that we needed to move, yet there was nowhere to go. Ultimately I know that to trust God is to trust the process He will guide us through.

It has been amazing that with each disappointment has come a partial understanding of why. Looking back, even at this point, I see that we may have not been totally unified on one of the properties, but we were trying to make the other one happy. I see that financially these properties would have been a constant drain on us. I see that it may not have been the best place for our family for one reason or another.

I am sure that when we finally get to our place, we will see the reasons for this process unfold clearly. Until then, I am grateful for these little nuggets that bring understanding, comfort, and a knowledge that even when I am not in control of the process…

HE IS.

This is powerful to know. It is comforting even when our house is sold and we don’t know where we are going. It is comforting when we have looked at every house that we think is a possibility and absolutely feel like it is the wrong place for us. It is comforting when the one that shouldn’t make sense, does.

This process has taught me that sometimes I need to look outside of the box I think is the answer. I have learned that unity with my husband on our feelings is ESSENTIAL for our peace and happiness. I have learned that God’s plan for us has never made sense, but has always worked out in amazing ways.

Searching for Him in the processes of life leads to greater insights into ourselves and those around us. It teaches us that we are not alone. That He is in control when we are not. That He is mindful of us on so many levels. That what is important to us is important to Him.

This knowledge of Him makes the process of life so much better. Not easier, just better.

 

Doubting Me

This morning was not a stellar faith morning for me. In fact this morning exposed aspects of my faith that truly need to be strengthened.

It all started out great. Got up with my son to help him get ready for the early morning shoot around that they have on game days. I love to iron his shirt, make sure his uniform is ready and get his lunch made. It is honestly a blessing that I am home to do this. doubting me

The breakdown of faith came when his ride didn’t show up…for a long time.

Unfortunately my truck is having some issues and there was nothing I could do to get him there. I truly felt helpless.

Backing up to last night as I was working on getting him a ride, I felt in my heart that it would all be okay and that she would be here for him. With that peace, I was able to sleep.

So when it was time for him to be there and he is still on the couch looking at me desperately to get him to the gym, my mind panicked. I wanted so desperately for a miracle to come and the truck to magically start. Not today. I wanted to do anything I could to get him there, but I felt so powerless.

The memory of the peace I felt last night struggled to find footing in my mind to calm me, however I would not listen. Doubt creates a very unfertile field in our minds and hearts, chasing out any seeds of strength, peace or calm.

When his ride came, I felt a little whisper remind me that I knew she would come. Gratitude washed over my heart, followed quickly by a heavy heart.

How many times have I done this very thing? How many times have I had His promises that everything would be okay and yet, I fear, worry and doubt? How many times has He shown me that He is in control when life is not?

Every time.

And still I doubt, because I want to be able to have the power to take action. I want to have control (at least some semblance of it) over life.

Yet, at the end of the day it is all about leaving my fear, doubt and worry at His feet, trusting that it will all work out.

Because it always does.

One day this aspect of my human nature will have conquered. One day this weakness will be a strength. One day.

Until then it is up to me to do my best, repent when I falter and look to Him to move forward.

Somedays my best is pretty good. Others? Well let’s just say today is that day and I have some work to do.

Loaves and Fishes

This morning I was taught by the Spirit. We are in the process of making a major change in our lives. As with any change of this magnitude, there are pros and cons, things that make sense and that don’t.

As I have weighed the pros and cons and looked at everything that makes sense and wondered at what does not, I turned to my Heavenly Father in prayer. I asked for Him to guide my mind so that I can make the right decision, even if it is one that does not make sense to my mortal mind.

Loaves and FishesHe is always so kind and patient in His teachings.

My mind kept wandering down different paths and their perceived outcomes. I began to notice that as it would wander down certain paths…the ones that seemed to make the most logical sense, my mind would darken and I would feel a certain level of anxiety in my heart. I realized that it was His gentle way of showing me what He needs us to do right now.

I have worried about having enough, being able to have the means to live and do what we need to do. It is something that has weighed on my heart for over 3 years. Again, this worry came to the front of my heart.

I was reminded of a story in Matthew chapter 14. It is a time when Jesus is working through the death of John the Baptist, His beloved cousin and friend. The multitudes find Him and want what we all want…time and healing. His compassion is overwhelming to my heart that still struggles with giving when I am hurting. He teaches, heals and loves each one of these people.

At the end of the day, His disciples tell Him to send them away so that they can find food. They scoff a bit when He asks them to feed the multitude. As they share with Him that they have but little, He asks them to bring their bread and fishes to Him.

This is where the story touched my soul today….

Knowing full well that He had the power to multiply these loaves and fishes to feed everyone, He turns to His Father…our Father and thanks Him for the bounty they have.

After this prayer the multitude was fed.

The miracle is what was left over….more than the initial offering made to Heavenly Father.

The gratitude Jesus had for what little they had allowed the miracle to come to pass.

In the quiet moments I have enjoyed today, I have found so much comfort and strength to move forward down the path that does not necessarily make sense to the world. I am so thankful for the little whisperings of the Spirit that teach me to be like my Savior and trust in our Father to provide.

Forward

ForwardLately I have been in awe of the timelessness the words given to us from Heavenly Father are. I have found a great deal of strength, comfort, knowledge and peace as I have studied His words. It stands to me as one of the greatest miracles we have before us.

One of the stories from the Bible that has always intrigued me is the Exodus of the children of Israel. I marvel at the strength and faith that Moses had in Jehovah as he led thousands of people from captivity. The path was not laid out for him. It was required of him time and time again to take a few ‘steps’ and ask for the way to be shown.

I can only imagine the desire to understand what the will of God was when they arrived on the beaches of the Red Sea. I am sure there was a moment of confusion and the question of, “How am I supposed to do this?” Yet, there they were….on the beach, no time to build boats adequate enough to carry everyone across, complaining abounding, and their enemies were upon them.

Moses turned to the Lord in prayer.

13. And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.

14. The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

15. And the Lord said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward:

16. But lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea. (Exodus 14:13-16)

I have found there are times in my life when I am on the beach of a proverbial Red Sea. The way forward feels impossible and there is not an option to turn back. I have found myself wondering the same thing, “How am I supposed to do this?” It is in these moments that I do my best to understand what the will of God is for me.

I find comfort in Moses’ words….the Lord shall fight for you.

It takes a great deal of prayer and trust in these situations. I have learned through this journey that we are one that He goes before us and prepares the way. I have learned that those things that I think are impossible to overcome are only limitations that I place upon His power. If it is His will, then the path will be made clear before me.

The Red Sea did not part as soon as they reached the beach. It took a moment of faith, seeking and action for the path to be shown to them. It was also a path that no one had anticipated, but Him. I have to wonder, would the children of Israel have followed Moses if they knew their where their path would lead them?

Would I have followed if I would have known where my path was going? if I would have known there would be moments that I cannot see the way forward?

I am so thankful to know that Heavenly Father is in control. I am so thankful to know that He has confidence in me to take me down a path that will require faith and trust. I am so thankful to know that He has always been there (even when He stepped aside for a while). I am so thankful to know that the Atonement of Jesus Christ has not only given me forgiveness when I have fallen, but it has enabled me through its power to do things I never thought I could.

Like Moses, I will do my best to step to the edge of the Red Sea, trust and lift up my rod….

Forward.

I’ve Got This

I've Got ThisThis past week has brought with it some incredible learning experiences. I wish I could say that they were all warm and fuzzy, but I can’t. I realize that often times learning comes with a certain level of discomfort.

Monday morning I woke up with the heaviness of life as we know it right now sitting on my heart and soul. As soon as I uttered a word of prayer, the darkness was there, surrounding me. I could not shake it, no matter how hard I tried. For two days it plagued me and it seemed like the harder I fought, the stronger it became.

I haven’t had many moments where I considered giving up (whatever that would look like), but there was one or two this week. I simply did not know what to do to solve the situation, rise above the darkness or where to look for the light I needed to heal my soul.

A couple of weeks ago, I thought I had figured everything out. I had some pretty specific feelings and had started to act upon them. I began to dream again…something that I have not allowed myself to do for a very long time. It felt like the barriers that have been placed in our lives were beginning to fall away…it felt so good.

Yet, Monday my hope began to fade. As a result I began to doubt all of the feelings I have been receiving from my Heavenly Father. It was a dark place to wander.

As I began to pray, my heart was so scared to ask about the feelings that I had. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to receive the answer I didn’t want to hear. It took a little bit to summon the courage.

I asked if I needed to let go of the things that I had felt…the solution and new path.

My answer was not what I expected, either way.

In that brief moment I felt a peace come over my heart and soul…something that I had not felt in quite some time. The peace spoke to my heart as if to say, “I’ve got this.”

The moment was just that…a moment of peace. It came and went so quickly, but it was real.

Letting GoIt took me a few days to realize what truly happened and has been happening in my life. He has been doing His best to show me, tell me and allow me to see that He has this right now. There is nothing I can do to ‘solve’ this. We are completely in His hands.

It has taken a lot of prayer and pondering to allow myself to let go and trust Him. I am one that likes to solve the problem and move on. Yet, there are some things that take time and experiences to solve and learn from.

I have reflected on many things that have been happening and seeing the peace that I have felt each time I have cried out to Him.

“I’ve got this.”

I am so thankful for every ‘no’ I have received. There have been times when I thought that would be the only answer I ever receive to my prayers. There have been other times that I have thought that it wasn’t even an answer at all. Yet, each one is another evidence that He has a plan for us and that plan is something far greater than what I can see right now.

I just have to let go, breathe and do my best to find Him each day.