Receiving30 days ago I had fear in my heart….fear and dread. It was not the best prelude to the season when we emulate the life and teachings of our Savior Jesus Christ. I remember pouring out my heart to my Heavenly Father, wondering how it would all happen for us.

I received a beautiful feeling of peace….that everything had been taken care of. I just needed to let it all unfold.

What unfolded was one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned. I have come to realize that Heavenly Father rarely blesses us without teaching us deep lessons in the process. For that I am truly grateful, because therein I see that He loves me enough to help me grow.

There is a famous quote that states, “It is better to give then receive.”

In a lot of ways I truly agree with this. My heart loves to give. It is something incredible when we are able to offer a portion of ourselves, our time, our means and our love to someone who truly needs it. On many occasions the opportunity to give has blessed my life with a much needed portion of joy.

Yet, what about receiving what has been offered? Does this make us less than when we are given something we truly need?


I know now that receiving what is offered can bring the same amount of fulfillment, joy and peace as we would feel when we give. The key is allowing our hearts to be receptive to the gift that is offered.

In the beginning of this journey we have been on, I did not want to receive any help. I felt that I should be able to do it all, take care of everything and fix what I thought was broken. I wanted to be ‘self-sufficient’. When that didn’t happen, time and time again, my heart broke. I began to think that I had done something wrong, that I had made a mistake that rendered me unworthy of the blessings I sought for. I felt alone and abandoned, because I didn’t get what I wanted.

What truly was happening was Heavenly Father patiently teaching me that He is the one that gives me everything I have and everything I need. He is the one that brings the miracles right on time. He is the one that fixes the broken things. He is the one that delivers us from our storms. He gives us everything…and sometimes He uses those around us to deliver the gifts.

As I took a step back to see His hand in our lives, I saw all of the ways that we have been blessed to receive of His goodness through the kindness and generosity of those who love us, those who may not even know us and those who genuinely want to help us on our way. They have been family members who listened when the Spirit spoke to their hearts, they have been friends who felt a need to reach out, they have been strangers who understood the look in our eyes without even saying a word….they have been angels.

Receiving has been a miracle in my life. I have learned that my heart determines how the gift enters into my life. Through countless prayers and time spent studying His word, the Savior has blessed my heart to soften. There is no room for receiving when there is hardness surrounding our hearts.

I truly believe now that in order to give with the right heart, we need to be able to receive with that same heart. That is my Christmas miracle.

He Is

As I sat down to journal some of the things that have happened and are continuing to unfold in our lives right now, I found it difficult to express all that I feel. It is sometimes next to impossible to put into words the intricate ways that Heavenly Father is molding and changing me.

This process has not been painless by any means, yet I have learned how much He is there in my life. My eyes are starting to ‘see’ things that I never would have looked for…evidences of His hand in my life.

He IsI have learned….

He is there.

He is patient as He allows me to struggle with letting go and trusting Him.

He is quiet as He guides my heart, showing it the way to tenderly love, serve and receive.

He is in the details. I am in awe of the way His hand weaves the answers to my prayers through acts of service, thoughts and the words of prophets.

He is strong when I am weak. He knows how strong I am, even if I don’t yet see it.

He knows the depth of my heart and has shown me places therein that I never would have seen without wandering in the darkness for a time.

He is constant. His love is always there.

He is always listening to my prayers, spoken or not. He hears my heart.

There have been times I have felt like He has withdrawn. I have come to understand that there are times when we need to stand on our own and know for ourselves if we will always choose Him.

He has offered me a chance to become something far greater than what I ever could have imagined on my own. He has allowed the struggle to define this in my soul. He has given me the moments, experiences and time to grow.

And so it is…I am learning more about who He is and in the process I am learning about who I am.

He is my Heavenly Father and I am His daughter.

A Voice

DSCN9337Have you ever felt lost within your own heart? Unsure of what you have to offer? Plagued by feelings of emptiness and misunderstandings? Me too, in fact I have felt that way for a long time.

It is such a difficult place to get lost in….our own hearts. We lose sight of all that is good, because we can’t see past our desire for something more, something better, something new. There is a special emptiness that engulfs my entire soul, preventing me from moving forward, thinking and learning.Continue reading “A Voice”

Crushing The Heart

Sometimes starting is the most difficult part of a post. My heart has so much to say, however the words haven’t quite formed yet. file000575667588

I feel so blessed in my life to be surrounded with amazing people. They are an inspiration to me as I watch and share a small part of their lives. It seems as though there are a fair amount of us passing through heart crushing times in our lives.Continue reading “Crushing The Heart”

My Miracle

file8851274473595For over a year, almost on a daily basis, I have been praying for a miracle. I had in mind what type of miracle I would be very happy to receive. I even had choices A, B or C.

This all sounds a little silly, however it is what it is and I am learning. I am truly grateful for a patient Heavenly Father, who, I imagine, smiles and giggles at the thoughts and ideas I come up with. He knows what is truly good for me and will give me just that…not this other stuff I think I need to move forward.Continue reading “My Miracle”

Here To Learn

file5921284885940Enlightenment is incredible. It usually comes in the most unexpected ways at the most unexpected times. It is always very quiet and powerful.

Sunday I experienced a moment of enlightenment. As we were listening to the speaker in church, he said something that touched my heart and gave words to something that I have been pondering.Continue reading “Here To Learn”


file8741295012770A few weeks ago I was driving home from an early morning workout. I had witnessed a very touching scene that caused a lot of reflection on my part.

As I passed through a parking lot I saw an elderly woman walking to her car with a cart full of groceries. Her gait was not smooth and it appeared she was having a bit of difficulty. As I turned around to make sure she was okay, a man pulled up right beside her, hopped out of his car and helped this sweet lady. He was a pure gentleman…giving her his arm, taking her cart and unloading her groceries. It was a beautiful moment. Continue reading “Answers”

Peaceful Intervention

file8231269552247He did it again….He intervened on my behalf.

Last night I spent a fair amount of time talking to my Heavenly Father. After a week like we have been through, I needed some quality time with Him. My heart had felt like there was a crushing vice wrapped around it. The pit in my stomach grew daily and I found myself turning inward to cope.Continue reading “Peaceful Intervention”


file0001068993697I love the quiet of the morning. In these precious moments before life takes over we can hear some of the most beautiful whisperings of the Spirit softly teaching us.

Today started rather abruptly with a thunderstorm crashing into the mountains behind our home. It was magnificent! With each clap of thunder, my heart started racing and the adrenaline started to flow. I felt so alive. My heart and mind were opened and I was able to feel, hear and receive.Continue reading “Understanding”


There are some emotions, thoughts and feelings that need to come out, yet have difficulty finding a voice. I have this happen to me frequently and today is no different.file000410178915

As I worked out this morning I was thinking about life as it has been for the past few months. I have not been able to put my finger on the purpose of why I have felt the way I have or the struggles I have been striving to overcome. It is as though I have had to swim upstream with a hand in the middle of my chest pushing me back. No matter how hard I have tried to swim faster, smarter, more paced or even all out sprinting, the hand remains…pushing. There have been days when I simply could not go any more and I found myself slipping downstream. Continue reading “Choose”