Limiting God

Sometimes I truly hope I can express what is going on inside. As much as I want to be able to translate the feelings of my heart and the lessons I am learning into words, I find I am not as skilled as I would like to be. Refinement comes through action, so here we go.

Last week I had a gut check of faith. Acting on inspiration from Heaven, our family has sold our home and purchased a spec home in another town. It will take a few weeks for this home to be completed, so we are staying with my kind parents in the meantime. After all of the chaos of packing and moving, we settled into their home and the stillness settled in. I am learning that I do not do well sitting still.

My mind started to race and think about why we were moving and doubts began to creep in. The adversary is quite skilled because these thoughts didn’t feel like doubts, they felt like legitimate ideas. One idea would lead to another and to another until my mind was racing and I had forgotten all of the miracles that had led us to where we were buying our home. Fear set into my heart and I could not see my way forward.

After a sleepless night, I found myself on a car ride with my husband where I shared all that was going on in my heart and soul. He patiently listened to all of my concerns and never once told me that I was wrong. Instead he took me out to the house we are buying. To be honest, I did not want to be there. I had truly convinced myself that it was not where we were supposed to be, so it was the last place I wanted to be.

He found a bucket, put his jacket on it (he is a true gentleman) and sat me down. Through inspiration from God, he reminded me of everything that had happened to bring us there. We had offers on two other homes, but neither worked out. We were NOT going to look for a home in this particular town, but it was the only one we liked. New construction/spec homes were never anything we considered, yet it was the one that felt the best. After we put an offer on it, all of the paths began to open to get us there. It truly has been one miracle after another. He told me to rejoice and let God show me why we are supposed to be there. It will always be a special moment to me.

After a good amount of sleep, my heart was healed and I began to see things as they are.

I had allowed fear to take over and hold me back from an amazing adventure and opportunity for our family. Rather than using fear to drive me forward, I had let it hold me back. We have never been able to see the whole reason for why we have moved in the past, because the experiences have shaped us one at a time. I had forgotten this.

I realized that my fears and doubts limited the power of God in my life. They had became the barriers that restrained inspiration, joy and strength that would drive me forward.

Yet, the moment I turned to Him and Jesus Christ through prayer and talking to my husband, they were right there. There wasn’t a hesitation on their part. It was as if they were waiting for me to invite them to help me take down the walls I had built.

In moments of reflection, I see how much their power was limited because of me. Rather than submit, I chose to let fear to take over. In fear, I felt defeated, overwhelmed, tired, impatient, weak, defiant, stagnant.

As soon as I let Them in, I began to feel creative, hopeful, peaceful, receptive, powerful, centered.

Which led me to the question… Are there more places in life where I limit God?

Yes.

The power comes in recognizing them to overcome. It takes courage to face the walls we have built with our fears and doubts. It takes more strength than we have to tear them down on our own. The incredible moments come when we accept help and allow His power to manifest in our lives. It is always humbling to see how much He knows us and loves us.

What Are You Feeding Your Soul?

My mountain. Some days it takes a little bit more determination to get there, yet every time I step foot in that sanctuary I am blessed with inspiration, healing and renewal.

Today I fought within myself to get there. I completed my lifting and thought, “I’m good. It’s a little chilly outside. I should stay home and get stuff done.” On and on the discussion went in my mind.

Finally I realized that I ALWAYS feel better when I go, even if it hurts when I am there.

Today did not disappoint at all.

I have been doing a lot of research on living a fulfilling life. A life with passion. A life with purpose. There are more times than I like to admit when I struggle with feeling life my life has purpose. These feelings are pervasive and strike frequently when I am feeling a little blue. The aftermath of these strikes leave me feeling less than. Not a place I enjoy.

As I was on the trail today, I was pondering my studies, the moments when I struggle, and the inner reflections I have been participating in.

I have found that when I am outside, in the wide expanse of the mountain, my mind is able to wander to many different places, allowing pieces to fall into place that normally struggle to find a spot.

Two questions came into my mind:

What are you feeding your soul? Are you feeding it passivity or passion?

As I thought about these questions I began to draw a connection between our soul and our bodies. What we feed our bodies largely determines how we feel, how we move, how much energy we have, and how we heal. We are a reflection of what we eat.

Our souls are not any different than our bodies. 

Passivity is like junk food. When we are passive, we are not discovering, creating, building or strengthening. Passivity gives us momentary relief from the grind of daily life or the stresses we are encountering, yet too much of it leaves our minds clouded, our bodies lethargic and are souls empty. There is little to no healing or renewal in passivity.

I have spent a lot of time in that state. I have felt like I didn’t have anything to give. I didn’t feel like I had the energy to move, let alone move forward. My mind could not think clearly. It got to the point that I didn’t know what to do if I had a free moment.

Passion, on the other hand, is manna for the soul. It is full of the nutrients we need to grow, progress, move forward and discover. It is a renewable form of nutrients that give us creativity, energy and strength. We are able to push through the discomfort of stepping out of our safe zones. We are able to problem solve and think outside of the box. Our minds and spirits are clean.

The challenge at times is finding passion within life.

It is not something that can be found by passively. Passion is discovered through movement and searching. It is a deeply personal nutrition, because my passions are mine and yours are yours. It is contagious. Sharing passions allows others to find their own and live.

So today, what are you feeding your soul?

 

Abundance

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I were talking about life as it is, has been and where we want it to be. As we reviewed our past few years of specified growth, our eyes were opened as we saw things, that once allowed us to survive, that now hold us back from moving forward.abundance

I believe it is human nature to survive, however it is human choice to thrive. There are times in our lives for both actions, however to thrive we need to have open hearts and minds to the abundance that is in the world.

We have lived on faith, miracles and the greatest of generosity of those who love us for the past 3-4 years. It has been a path of scarcity, creativity and, at times, painful growth from the inside out. There have been more days than not that required fighting to keep my head and heart above water, hoping that at some point Heavenly Father would deliver us from it all.

And yet, I would not change a moment.

I love how Heavenly Father teaches me. He quietly unfolds the mysteries and answers the questions that are in my mind. I have watched so many people who thrive in their lives, they live and are so open to what the world has to offer them. I have wondered if that is something that I actually could attain, or if who I am meant to be was not that person. I ask a lot of questions to be taught as I am traveling on a dark, rough path. I truly want to understand so that I can have peace knowing it is His will.

As Kevin and I talked about our mindset it became obvious to us that we have lived for so long in scarcity mode that our minds have embraced it as how life is going to be. Truthfully, there was no peace with this realization. I looked at how I have talked, thought and acted as if there would not be enough and we needed to ‘pull in’ ‘hunker down’ and ‘not live’. While these actions are appropriate for very short periods of time to get our footing in rough spots, they are not meant to be long-term.

We were not created in a world of abundance to simply survive.

At some point in our conversation the word abundance was brought up. My mind caught hold of that word and it was as if an explosion took place. Where my mind and spirit was bound down before in scarcity, those walls were literally obliterated. I felt a freedom that I had not felt in so long I had forgotten about. I felt an openness in my mind and spirit….creativity returned, the need to reach out began to peek through, and the ability to receive inspiration opened up.

Each day I have found that when my mind is focused on abundance those things that would weigh me down have no effect on me. It is as though heaven opened up and I am able to understand why things happen at a new level. I see how the hand of God is working in our lives. Things that once caused so much fear and gut wrenching anxiety are now opportunities for ideas, creativity and blessings to be given.

I have found that within abundance we have the power to reach out, the ability to let go and the strength to move forward with faith…even when the road isn’t built yet.

God created this world with abundance everywhere. It is time for us to go get it.