Life is seriously a process of progression and learning. It is a beautiful kaliedoscope of change. And the amazing thing is that it is specifically tailored to each person.
Sometimes I wonder if I am a little slow to learn the lessons life is trying to teach me through change and challenge. It seems like I go through different challenges and reactions over and over before I am open enough to receive direction or understanding. Yet, the older I get, the more I realize that some lessons take a lot of time and layers to learn.
For a long time I have had a tightening in my chest, making it difficult to breathe. I knew deep down that it wasn’t anything physically serious. I knew it had to do with my emotions and perceptions of life at the time. Yet, I couldnt truly nail it down to a source to gain the control I needed. These tightenings always correlate with high stress moments in my life (not a surprise there). Even knowing this….I still could not figure out the roots.
This week life presented a nice basket of stress-inducing challenges. The basket contained every element of struggle that I have been working on overcoming, with a little bit more tossed in for ‘fun’. Low and behold, I couldn’t breathe. I found that I was struggling with finding enough time to do everything I wanted to do, answer all of the questions that were looming and meet the needs of my family. I truly felt overwhelmed and less than.
Once I recognized this little oppression filled bundle and identified it for what it was, I prayed to understand.
We are taught in quiet moments.
I was in short supply of them as my mind was racing.
Yet, it was as if the answer was waiting for that brief moment when my mind and heart settled. Waiting for that little break to enter and show me what I was looking for.
When that moment came, the answer started off like this:
I have spent the past years trying to run faster than what my body, soul, mind and heart could handle. I was trying to receive answers to questions that I was not ready for. I was trying to fix everything that seemed broken, but really wasn’t. I was trying to bend life to my mold and not allow myself to be molded and shaped by the lessons life was teaching me.
I truly was running faster than what life was ready to teach me.
In that moment I began to breathe. I began to see how life truly molds us, how our paths are designed to grant us strength, knowledge and compassion. I began to understand that my path is mine. I began to slow down a little.
I have found that it is easier for my heart to let go of the binding rules that have held it tight for so long. Slowing down has allowed me to become more by letting go.