There are times in my life as a wife and mother… I do not have the answers. These times leave such an emptiness in my heart, because it is my nature to heal.
Over the past week I have been asked some pretty difficult questions by each member of my sweet family. These questions have come after a lot of prodding, quietness, more prodding and more quietness. I get it, I am not so good at sharing my deepest thoughts either.
I think it is the pleading in their eyes that sinks into my soul. The pleading that says, “I can’t do this anymore…I don’t know the answers….I need you to answer.”
The emptiness that comes over my heart is so quiet and heavy when their questions are beyond my reach. My heart wants so badly to have the answers, say the magic words that are so often scripted for others, or have the ability to simply heal their hearts with my arms wrapped around them.
Yet, it is not meant to be…..
Today was particularly difficult, because one of my children was hurting at a deep level. It is something that has been lying under the surface for a couple of years, and today the wound opened just enough to expose the rawness of pain. I sat and prodded, waited and listened as the hurt came out. It was not anything silly or dumb…it was real. I simply did not know what to say…words seemed completely useless.
I began to pray in my heart….”Please give me the words. Please let me know what to say to help. Please.”
None came….again this was beyond my reach.
I did the only thing I could think of….I knelt in prayer with my child. I prayed for the words to speak so that this one would know that there is someone watching over them. As I spoke the words of my prayer, they really didn’t seem to flow as easily as I would have hoped, but they were not really mine. I felt the love of a Heavenly Father who knows that this child is deeply hurting. I felt the knowledge that He is watching over and has a greater plan than what we can see today. I felt like it would all be okay….even if not how I thought it could work out.
In that sweet moment, I learned (again) that when their hurts and questions are beyond my reach, I know where to look for help.
Thanks be to my Savior for giving me the gift of prayer, so I can communicate with my Father.