Relying On Him

file3561240620254A couple of days ago I read a scripture that embedded itself into my heart. It wasn’t the entire verse even, just one word that simply seared itself into my soul.

“Wherefore, all mankind were in a lost and in a fallen state, and ever would be save they should rely on this Redeemer.” (1 Nephi 10:6)


Often times Heavenly Father will give me an answer to a question that has not been asked. These answers come just like this one did…one word or phrase from the scriptures, prophets, my husband, parents, children, friends or even a stranger. These words stick in my heart, which is right where they need to be when the question comes.

This morning was the culmination of many things I had been battling in my heart. Emptiness has been a constant companion for years and it has been quite pushy for the past month. It is difficult for me to describe what it feels like, however it brings with it a sensation of a black hole in my mind. It comes and goes, but lately it had decided to stay.

As I pondered how I felt this morning my heart asked the question, “Will I ever be free from this demon that is constantly pulling me down?” “Will I ever finally overcome?” There was a small part of me that screamed, “yes”, however there was more of the natural part of me that wanted to give into the despair of hopelessness.

I turned to my husband for help. He is my healer in every sense of the word. Using the incredible skills he has, he took me on a difficult, but incredible journey.

I have always felt that the demons I personally struggle with are ones that know me at such a deep level. It is in this that they know where to go and how to pick at me. I usually attempt to defend myself by becoming angry with them and kicking them out so to speak. This tactic has worked, but only temporarily.

Today as I journeyed on this path to deal with ‘emptiness’ I found out how deeply rooted it has been in my heart. It did not want to leave my heart at all. As I battled to get rid of it, it took every ounce of strength that I had to pull it out. When I finally was able to separate it from me, I asked the questions again…


As I caught on this word that had been in my heart for a few days I found a greater sense of light and understanding. I learned that the only way I will ever be free from these demons is through a constant reliance on my Savior. In order to be free I need to treat them as He would, with love and forgiveness.

His love is pure and all-encompassing, yet He does not own the characteristics of those He loves. Because He understands who He is, He can love from His soul, no strings attached. We are required to love all…even those who would destroy us. I never understood how to do this, however He does and has begun to teach me.

As I began to understand this love I was able to let go of emptiness and find within my heart what truly makes me happy. It is different for each one of us, however I know that deep within all of us there is a gift that we are given that brings us true happiness.


He is amazing.

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