Last night I spent a fair amount of time talking to my Heavenly Father. After a week like we have been through, I needed some quality time with Him. My heart had felt like there was a crushing vice wrapped around it. The pit in my stomach grew daily and I found myself turning inward to cope.
The incredible thing about honest, quality prayer is that by the time I reach that point, all of the ‘other’ things are out of the way. My heart is open and placed before Him. I am in a place that I am ready to receive what He would like to tell me.
I don’t think that the spoken words were what He was waiting for…it was the stillness of my heart. As I offered this to Him, a quiet, yet powerful, peace came over me. No answers, just peace. As silly as it may sound, I tested this peace to see if it was indeed from Him. I wanted it to be with all that I had. I pushed against it a little bit, and found that as quiet as it was, it was even more powerful. Nothing had changed, except me.
The morning dawned and with it came a renewed hope. It was incredible to wake and not feel the crushing pit that I had become so accustomed to. I thanked Him for giving me such a tender gift that allowed me to laugh, smile and play. It felt so good.
It is how He works. He allows us to pass through these ‘moments’ of life where we get to a point that we have no where else to go. He brings us there so that He can see what we will do, who we will choose and how we will learn. And then, He intervenes. He gives us a little bit at a time, so that we can move forward. He shows us just enough of the path so that we are not scared to take the next step. He does it all so quietly that the power of it can’t be denied. His Son reaches out for us and lifts us, because He knows how we feel when we struggle.
As difficult as this path has been, I would not change it for one moment. I have found that They are both here, leading me. I have learned that to be strong does not mean we will not struggle. I have learned that just as Jesus Christ calmed the raging seas in Galilee, He will calm the raging within me. I have learned that I have the most amazing husband and children. I have learned that no matter how alone I feel, I am always watched over. I have learned that I am His daughter and He loves me more than I will ever know.
All of this to say…I know deliverance comes. Day by day we are given little bits of what we need, strength to move forward. Looking to the end is not going to get me there any faster…it is only going to frustrate the journey.